Live Like The Choice Is Yours
Dr. Liza Marquez
One of my favorite late 80s movies was “Parenthood” with an amazing cast led by Steve Martin, Mary Steenburgen, Dianne Wiest, and Keanu Reeves. It was hilarious and chaotic and heartfelt, and I can watch it over and over, again. But there is one scene in particular that stuck with me since I first watched it 33 years ago.
In the scene, Steve Martin is trying to wrangle his oldest son to go to his baseball practice while the other kids are screaming and running around creating havoc. In the midst of it his wife (Mary Steenburgen), who has just found out she’s pregnant with their fifth child, begs him to stay home and asks, “…do you really have to go?” He barks, “MY WHOLE LIFE IS A ‘HAVE TO!’” I remember thinking, ‘Is that what being an adult is like? No freedom, no choices, just ‘have tos?’ to quote Keanu Reeves in the 80s, “WHOA!”
In his book, The Light in the Heart, author Roy Bennett writes, “Attitude is a choice. Happiness is a choice. Optimism is a choice. Kindness is a choice. Giving is a choice. Whatever choice you make, makes you. Choose wisely.” Inherent in every decision that we make there are a plethora of possibilities that creates a world for us that we are either comfortable or uncomfortable living. ‘Whatever choice you make, makes you.” But why?
Think about making a decision that might seem as innocent as hitting the snooze button in the morning for a few more minutes of sleep. So, you wake up and now you are running a little late and maybe feeling hurried, which causes stress, and that stress causes you to feel agitated which causes you to feel angry because maybe now you’ll be late for work, or a meeting, or taking the kids to school. And that anger has you upset with your environment which has you thinking and saying unkind words to yourself and those around you.
Maybe this is a one-time situation or maybe it's a pattern, but at this point the energy of that undesirable feeling is a part of you and your day, and any choices you make from this point forward will have that energy attached to it, WHETHER YOU INTEND IT OR NOT! You may think that choice doesn’t make the totality of you, but it does make that YOU in that moment. And since all we have is the present moment, that choice, that moment, not only makes you, it IS you based on the energy you are in the present. “WHOA!”
It is easy to spiral out of control and place the blame on our circumstances. Like Steve Martin’s character, we convince ourselves that we are beholden to other factors like family, jobs, money, and health and decide that those factors are in charge, AND we have an entire world outside ourselves that reflects that back to us. The problem is: 1) we believe we ‘have to’ and not ‘chose to’; and 2) we don’t believe we can choose to reflect something new. In order to reflect something new, we have to let go of the seen and invest in the unseen. “WHOA!”
Towards the end of the movie, it is Steve Martin’s grandmother who regales him with a story of enjoying the unpredictable thrill of a rollercoaster over the safety of a merry-go-round that encourages him to take a step into the unknown and CHOOSE to trust it. He releases the need to control everything around him to the detriment of his enjoyment; and allows what is to be to be, so he can be IN the Joy of Life!
Just because we choose to go within and create from the unseen, doesn’t mean we are creating from the unknown. When we consciously choose to create from this space, This Consciousness, we choose to create from the ALL KNOWING…and you can’t get more known than that…”WHOA!”
