A Father’s Perspective
Dr. James Mellon
Whenever Father’s Day rolls around every year I begin to think about what it took for me to become a father. I’ve known since I was a young man that I wanted to have a family. I also knew that it would take some creative thinking to make it happen. Once I met, fell in love with, and married my husband, Kevin, it seemed like the right time to reach into my box of dreams and make it happen.
We were both on the same page regarding children and we decided to turn that page and make it happen. The question for me became, how do you want this to unfold? We could adopt, give a child a home who needed one. That was a beautiful option. We could hire a surrogate, another possibility. We could co-parent with a woman who wanted to also start a family (we almost went in that direction). Regardless of the how, at the end of the day the only thing that was certain was that we were going to have a family.
I was already moving my life toward ministry and was in my first year of ministerial training, so I knew that whatever I wanted to manifest would need to be solid in my mind. I would only manifest what I was equal to. And so...I got to work on knowing that my child (children, as it turned out) was already a reality in this beautiful thing called the Quantum Universe. I was ready, willing, and capable of whatever was needed from me. And so, It was!
And so, It is! Twenty-two plus years after that beautiful day of welcoming those two amazing souls into our lives, I sit here writing this blog reflecting on what it means to be a father and how it has impacted my life. Needless to say, I could not have imagined what life was to become in the face of fatherhood.
The mind plays such an integral part of who we become when we’re in the position of gently (and sometimes not so gently) guiding these sweet, innocent, and sometimes frustrating individual expressions of God. There is joy, sorrow, excitement, surprise, uncertainty, and always change. And in the end, there is perfection. That is where my mind finds itself on this Father’s Day.
Now, that might sound a little surprising in the face of such devastating loss. Losing Nora was, is and will always be the most heartbreaking part of this very life I so love and respect. I could tell you that I’ve learned a lot, and I have. I could tell you that life has unfolded all of us perfectly, and it has. And I could tell you that we have all stood in our Truth and strength and continue to move forward with our lives, which we have. But that would only be a small glimpse into the complex and intricate framework of life. Fatherhood has been amazing, it has been heartbreaking, and it has been, in its own way bewildering. Having two children has always been a master class in the polarity of life. If Will wanted to go one way, Nora instinctively went another. They we so much alike that they were defiantly different. And yet, when Nora was at the point where her body was moving on without him, I saw the strength, love and poise of a boy (man) I would only hope I could be.
In my new book, “The Five Questions,” I ask the question “Why Am I Here?” I think one of the many answers to that question is undoubtedly, to be a FATHER.
My own father faced many challenges in his life. Hell, I was one of those challenges. A son who he didn’t understand and who caused him to face his own identity with such questioning that he quite often shut down. I can see that now. And I wonder what my own son will say when looking back at me from whatever perch he finds himself on at this point in his life. I’m sure Will sees my weaknesses. There are things he probably wishes I would do or be, that I’m not. That’s okay. I’m sure at that point I will agree with him. I’m sure he’ll also remember my strengths and the things I did right. I’d like to think they outweigh the others. That said, in a way they’re all okay. You know, when my son is my age, I will be 113 years old. Think I’ll be here? I don’t know. But I’d like to be. Wonder what I’ll be thinking then? I can only imagine.
I do know this, however, that I will stand in my certainty that my drive to become a father was powerfully understood, moved upon, and manifested in the most amazing way.
I am very grateful on this Father’s Day to say that my children, my husband, and all our chosen family are the greatest gifts of my life. I live knowing that my life is indeed unfolding perfectly, no matter what. So... happy Father’s Day to everyone who is a father, who has a father, or who recognizes that this “Father Energy” is one of the active ingredients used to make our dreams come true. Now THAT’S something to celebrate!