Daddy’s Hands

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Talk Transcript

From Rev. Kelly Bershinsky, 6/14/21

Before I was so rudely interrupted with that raucous applause in favor of our singers I was going to complete that thought by asking, what do you think of our singers? Do you love them? Or like me? Do you sometimes feel that that incredible singing talent could have been somehow more evenly distributed? I I love them for sure. But I do teeter totter back and forth on that idea sometimes. Guys, you are beautiful. I thank you for everything you bring to this center. Your talent is incredible. Kevin, thank you for the brilliant job you're doing of hosting this service today.

It is such a joy to be back in community back in this sanctuary. And and if you are welcome, if you're online, welcome. Welcome, everybody to this most auspicious Sunday service and Father's Day. The the question came up for me this week in contemplating what I would talk about today the question came up just a simple question, what does it mean, to truly be a father. And so I am a lover of words. And so I went to dictionary.com. To to peruse those definitions, and you will be thrilled to know that there are a great many definitions for what we probably consider such a common word. In fact, I had to continually click on show more and show more. And all these definitions revealed themselves. And the two that I found that I'd like to share today, I think we're number 16. And 19 on this list are lots and lots of definitions for this word, father. And the first one I'd like to share father means to be the Creator, the founder or the author of to originate. And another definition was to assume as one's own, to take the responsibility of. And I love those definitions, and I share them because they are broad, right? They're really broad ideas about fatherhood. And it calls to my attention that it means so much more than simply this male parent, although that too, as a father, but it's a broader idea. And and it suggests that it's not just male parent, or you know, one half of the duo who participated in the conception of a child. But that it, it calls my attention to what it takes to father to to originate to impart things to a child to take the responsibility of raising someone. And my father, his name was James burzynski, or as much of his family called him Jim or Jimmy. My dad died in 1989, at the age of 57. And I'll tell you, as I stand on this stage today at age 53, seems incredibly young for him to have slipped the bonds of this physical existence. But what it means is that he has been gone from my life for far longer than he was in it, at least from that physical standpoint. been gone for a long time. And yet the concepts I'm going to share today and what I'm going to talk about and and the discoveries I have made about what it means truly to be a father, all comes from him. And so, my talk title today, my talk time is called daddy's hands. Kevin referenced this in his song he mentioned his daddy's hands. I chose that talk title. Because when I think of my father, I think about his hands. He was not a particularly big man 510 and maybe, I don't know, 165 pounds or something, not a giant man. But his hands were enormous, like these big sledgehammer kind of hands. And, and I remember however, him doing really fine, intricate work, he was a master auto mechanic, worked on small engines, played guitar fabulously. And as a kid, I marveled that he was able to do these things that required such fine skills, with these big club like hands, these big, big big fingers and that sort of thing. And yet, when I think of his hands, it's not simply the size of them, that I recall. But it is how he carried things with them how he carried, for instance, me as a little boy, in those big myths, and how he, how In fact, he carried his responsibilities in life, his responsibilities of raising a family, and that is why I chose that title. And, and that means a lot to me.

Now, before I share any stories about my dad, or my growing up, I want to offer a disclaimer. And that disclaimer, this may come as a giant shock to you guys, but the the highly cultured, cosmopolitan individual you see standing on the stage today was not always the case. I come from humble roots and was not always so highly refined. And if you are thinking that it's maybe not even within the realm of possibility to be less refined than this guy standing up here, I assure you it is and I was, was raised in small, small town, Oklahoma. One of those two stoplight towns actually. And, you know, the towns were small and life was different. Life was simple, you know, but families were incredibly close and ours was. And lots of wonderful lessons from my father growing up was one of the biggest things for me, in my memories of my dad and my young childhood, is we've we've probably all heard Dr. James talk about this from this stage a dozen times. And that's the idea of saying Yes, right. Dr. James talks about that a lot saying yes to life, yes to what is next yes to that next greater experience of living, and in my mind and in my memories. My father said yes to us as children. He said yes to us. All the way down to saying yes to every stray animal, mongrel dog, hurt, injured, abandoned animal that we could find and beg borrow barter or steal and bring back to the house. He said yes to our bringing home cats and dogs and rabbits and chickens and what hermit crabs and turtles and Shetland ponies and owls and possums even make full disclosure not owls and possums, Owl and possum. We did in fact, though, have one of each. And I love those memories. It's one of my fondest things, remembering from childhood, because it it gave us these really incredible rich experiences of of taking care of animals of loving them, of feeding them of caring for them of, in some cases, nursing an injured animal back to health, so we could then return it to the wild. And I am I'm so grateful that he handed us those types of experiences. They're really really wonderful memories for me. I remember my father's big big hands and the way they carried my mother on the dance floor. And they were an amazing dance couple. big part of their lives they jitterbug but primarily what I remember

is there to step. And it they were absolutely incredible dancers together, you know, had this flow and ease and effortlessness to it

that, in my mind took on some level of artwork almost. And I grew up in a house that that loved dance. And so I learned to dance. From the time I was a baby standing on the tops of my mother or father's feet and wrapping my arms around their legs, and then they would dance me back and forth across the floor in the in the living room or something like that. And I remember there was in my little hometown, at the end of June, or first part of July, every year, there was a week that we hosted what's called a Blue Mountain Western festival. And went for a full seven days, and every day, there were events and contests and different things around town. Every evening, there was a rodeo professional rodeo. And when that finished, people would come to Main Street, come downtown to Main Street, which had been blocked off and traffic diverted. And there'd be Carnival booths, lining the sidewalks and, and then a big huge bandstand, to make, you know, to prepare for a street dance. And every year, my entire life, my entire childhood, my mom and dad danced at that street dance. And I remember a couple times seeing them. And, and this thing just sort of happened organically where the crowd just kind of parted and gave them space, in my mind looking back on it as some form of reverence because they were so beautiful dancing together. And after junior high, you know, starting junior high and go into some of our junior high school dances. I remember coming back and some point talking to my father and saying, I want you to teach me to two step. And he looked at me and kind of didn't understand he said, been to stepping since you're a baby, you already know how to to step. And I said, Well, I do. But what I really want is for you to teach me to to step the way you do it, where it has this beautiful grace and ease and beauty and, and, and parts the crowd, you know, that is what I want from you. And he said four words to me. He said, someone has to lead someone has to lead. And I understood because we had a conversation about that. And I understood from that conversation and then the decades since that I've reflected on that what he meant is that if no one is leading, or if there is confusion about who that is, than the dance will never become that of which it is capable of becoming because it will inherently then take on that air of confusion. It will remain awkward and clumsy and choppy. One of the great lessons I got from my father yes about dance, but about life and about what it means. To be a father is that idea of leading. Remember being led by my father, one summer afternoon I was I was a little kid I was couldn't have been more than five or six. And I was a little kid too. And I was a tiny tiny little guy. And my family had gone out to the lake to enjoy a summer afternoon at the lake. lake was dow late d o w in the town of dow Oklahoma's essentially dried up and blown away but we'd gone to this lake and down these dirt roads and through some woods and things and then and then the woods just opened to this beautiful clearing in a big huge, beautiful open beach and we were there. My siblings are all older. I'm the youngest of four. So my siblings were all out in the water and splashing and playing and having the time of their lives and, and I was not because I was relegated to the shore and kind of standing here so the water could maybe wet my feet as the wave came in because I had not yet learned to swim. And yet, I wanted to be out there with my siblings enjoying and frolicking and just having a blast. And so I begged my Father, please let me go I don't want to go I want to go. I begged and I begged and he said no and no. And he explained to me that a spear was you don't know how to swim underwater. That's my real thing is that if you go under and I can't see you Will you be okay. And so I realized he was not going to allow me to participate in that way, I changed my beggar routine. And I begged him instead then to teach me to swim.

And he said that I will do. And so he worked with me. And he showed me how it moved my hands and how I would kick my feet and that sort of thing. And he said, so go ahead and do that. And take this big breath of air in and hold it. And when you go under the water, don't let the air out. Don't Don't breathe in again, you'll have to come back out of the water to get another breath of air. And I would do that and I breathe in. And I could not force myself under the water. I could not do that. It scared the hell out of me, frankly. And I tried and tried and could not and could not. And so my father asked me, Do you really want to learn to swim? And I said, Yes, of course I do. And he said, then I'm going to help you. And it's going to be scary. I said, Okay. But in his fatherly way, my dad took this little body boy in his little pair of cut off jeans, by the back belt loop, raised me up, and those raised me up in those big hands. And said, Take in that big breath of air and hold it, and I did. And he plunged me into the water. Right, a full arm's length down into the water. And I don't remember much about that initial plunge. I don't know if it really scared me if I was okay with I don't really remember. But I know that momentarily. I began to swim, and began to move my arms and pull the water behind me like he had, like, he told me, this is how this works, you know. And I began to do that. And he continued, you know, he held my belt loop. And so I was balanced, and all that was okay. And he took me out to deeper water eventually. And eventually, that day, was able just to let me go and I could actually move myself through the water and come out and get air and all that sort of thing. And, as they say, a great time was had by all because then I was able to go out and participate with my my brothers and my sister. And and so that was my dad. And there is a song that I'm referencing, it's an old country song from about probably early or mid 1980s by a woman named Holly Dunn. And her song is the same as my talk title. It too is called daddy's hands. And just I'm going to speak some lyrics from that, that remind me of this story with my dad and and of his parenting really my growing up with him and those lyrics. I say this, it says that his hands

are soft and kind when I was crying that his hands were hardest steel, when I'd done wrong, that his hands weren't always gentle. But I've come to understand that there was always love in daddy's hands.

And that is what I remember about him more than anything, regardless of what it looked like on the outside, regardless of his skill as a parent. Always love in his hands. And so thank you for letting me walk down this little Memory Lane today and talking about my father and that sort of thing. But what does that then mean in the context of the science of mind and new thought and what we teach here? And that is this idea of this urge within to grow and become and do and have an experience more? So what how would I say that? What does What did my father Teach me that helps me get to that greater level of expression. And in my mind, the parallels are incredible. And in fact, he left a really wonderful little roadmap if we're if we choose to follow it to get to some greater level and and the first thing that comes to my mind is the way he said yes to us around all those doggone pets, allowing us to bring home every animal that that we wanted to bring them every animal we could possibly find. And as I look back on that I understand my father didn't say yes to that simply because he couldn't say no or because he had, you know was even particularly a huge animal lover but I'm What it did for me is that it taught me from a very young age that I was capable and worthy of having experiences in life that will be on my wildest expectations. And my father handed me those kinds of experiences. Well, folks, what I want everybody to understand is that absolutely every one of us is capable of having those incredibly rich experiences in life. You may never own a possum. But that doesn't mean your life can't still be extraordinary.

But someone has to lead. And we stand here all the time, we talk about this inner urge and this divine urge within to grow and be and have.

And those divine ideas. And I know there is an idea within you right now that wants you to create it that wants you to author it or originate it. But guess what, the idea cannot lead itself. The idea is relying on you to lead it. The idea is relying on you to father it, to take responsibility for it. So the question then simply becomes, are you willing to do so? Are you willing to take responsibility for those ideas that come to you in the same way that my father took responsibility for teaching me to swim? Because it's about leading, it's about leading our own lives. And the fact is, leadership is not always easy. It's not always pretty, it's not always gentle and kind, and timid. It might even be controversial from time to time. There are places in society now where shoving your child's face under the water is no longer acceptable. Now that could raise an eyebrow or two. But my father was willing to lead me in that way. He was willing to father me in that way. Because that is what I required in order to reach that new level of experience in order to reach the deeper waters.

So are you willing? Anybody? Yes, yes. Yes. Okay. Fantastic. Thank you. So here's what I say. If we are willing to do this, let's do it together. It

is high time that we become the leaders in our own lives. Let's take those divine ideas that come to us. Let's take those in our loving hands. Let's plunge them into the water and give them their chance to swim. Namast.